Nature's Palette

Everybody needs to witness a good sunset from time to time...

They happen everyday and yet perhaps because we may need to make an effort to get to a good spot for the best view, or just because we're caught up with our daily lives, we miss so many, and even when we do we may not have our camera's handy.

Yesterday we decided we needed to get to the good spot, it took a semi-illegal stop along the 101 ('semi' only because everyone parks there everyday..)then a steep climb to the top of a cliff, an even steeper climb down to the beach...and the glory was all ours.

We walked along the stony beach and picked our way through driftwood, watched the pelicans dive into the ocean, all the while the sun sunk steadily towards the horizon.

A little otter bobbed off shore, keeping a beady eye on one black over excited scottie belting up and down through the waves. I found an old tennis ball which I tossed into the water, she fetched until she was exhausted, and then decided to bury it, to save herself I guess.

We settled on a rock, just us and a gentle breeze. The sun dipped steadily, changing the colour of the sky dramatically as it spilled its rich hue from a unique palette, onto the water as it gently slapped against the sand.

No more words were neccessary.

Bella turns 6 ~

Dearest Bella,

You were such a surprise baby to us all Bella..especially to your mom! We just weren’t expecting you right then, but suddenly, there you were, a gentle little blip on a sonar monitor. After your mom recovered from the ‘surprise’ she was so so happy that you were there and so we rushed to fix up your room. We all painted like crazy, and made curtains, and recovered Gran Kirk’s old chair, (the green one that rocks, which is now in your sitting room) we painted pictures and hung them on the wall, and we bought a whole lot of pink clothes because your mom knew you were a girl!

You grew and grew, and before we knew it you were ready to be born. Your mom came to hospital..the same hospital I was working in, in Somerset West, the only people there that day you were born, were your mom and dad and me…that made it sooo special!! We were all so happy to meet you, especially your brother and sister…and they both still think you’re the best little sister ever!

Isabella Kate, the perfect completion to our family!

Wow but you've had such an awesome year...

Im sorry I missed your concert this year, everyone said you were fabulous, but I’ve seen you at concerts before so I can imagine how amazing you were. I remember you singing Nkosi Sikele in three languages when you were only 3 at nursery school in Franschhoek…do you remember that? Livvy was dressed up as a piggy and you were an angel…I remember your halo kept slipping, so you just took it off…and your angel gown too.

It was so good spending time with you in July! Do you know which times I loved the best? The mornings..when you would creep into my bed with your panda bear, and we would whisper secrets to each other. I loved that. I also loved playing Old Maid with you around the fireplace, and watching you jump on the trampoline, and walking while you rode your bike (are the fairy wheels gone??) Soon we will do it all again, and fill our hearts with more precious and wonderful memories.

Youre so smart and funny, and gorgeous beyond words…. I love you and miss you little girl, every single day!

Have a happy happy Birthday Bella Boo!

Much love,

Nani

Two ~ Photo Friday

The Best of Times

Having a birthday and Thanksgiving a day apart sure was something!

It did give us an excuse to gather the American side of the family together in one spot for a few days though. My mum, sister and nephew drove across from Bakersfield on Wednesday my birthday, (yep the BIG 50...) Both my children had called earlier, my daughter and her family from South Africa, and my son from Tucson ( who was tied up with work commitments and couldnt join us), and we had shared a warm, comforting 'all tears kept strictly in check', kind of conversation, trying hard not to say what we all wanted to say, but knowing if we did the floodgates would open, anyhow it was a good talk with much laughter.

Kennedy and Mum

We booked a dinner table at the Chumash Casino for the seafood buffet and buffed and preened we arrived dead on time, a small brief heartstopping moment when my nephew Chris needed to produce his ID (to prove his tender 18 years) and discovered he had left it at home, My sister and I are never ones to submit easily, asked (politely of course) to see the manager, who duly came down and gave him a special 'hotel guest' pass (yayyy) and we were in!

The buffet was laden with an amazing array of seafood, lobster shrimp and a variety of hot seafood dishes.. and the puds, it didnt take long before we were in like pigs and tasting a little bit of this and that. And thats when it happened.

I came back to the table plate laden, everybody sitting at the table waiting for me..when out from behind a pillar popped my son and his girlfriend! My face was a picture i know, my jaw dropped and I just stood there in total shock..he just wasnt supposed to be there..and he was, before I knew it i was sobbing (loudly) into his new abercrombie shirt! Needless to say the whole family was in on 'the secret'and the whole thing had taken a million or so phonecalls without me suspecting a thing! hehe...I love a surprise

Nic and me

My other nephew is a student pilot. He managed to hire a plane from the school, and flew into Santa Ynez on Thanksgiving. My sister, Chris and i drove out to the airfield to watch him come in, a warm glow of pride spread right through me as the wheels of that little piper touched down. He taxied in as we waving madly, walked out onto the tarmac to greet him, help him secure the plane and lug luggage to the car. I would have amazing pictures of this, but unfortunately Someone had been fiddling with my camera and messed up the settings..so i don't!

Nic, Jen, Chris and Steve

Dinner was a jolly happy affair, we ate drank and were merry, played games (apple to apple....) the youngsters were absolutely hilarious...and the two guitar playing folk jammed together..there was quiet speculation between my sister and me that this was something we needed to do on a regular basis .

Kennedy jamming with Steve

The next day everybody left under there own steam, my nephews flew back together to Bakersfield, My son and his girlfriend flew back to Tucson...and my sister and mum drove back with their scottie Hughie..who puked the whole way home and stank out the car to high heaven. Family are just who they are, and nothing brings out the best or worst in people more than a family gathering does, but apart from two mental dogs (who just really love each other) playing raucously in the middle of the night, the making of early morning coffee which woke the folk sleeping all over the sitting room floor.. and being locked in the bathroom when the lock stuck (not once but many times) we survived it and today I know we feel richer for the contact, blessed by the memories and have fodder for many blogs to come.

Chris, Nic and Steve

Rummaging through

I dont pretend to know what love is for everyone, all I can do is tell you what love is for me.

It's knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone...but still getting weak-kneed when they walk into a room, catch your eye, and give you that smile.., its the touch of a hand in your hair, a kiss on the forehead. Its more than actually saying the words, its about it being all around, hanging in the air, ripe for the picking at any time.

Its coffee or tea..in the morning, and finding a heartstone on the path. Its in the sounds of a windchime, the whirr of a hummingbird. A quick haircut in the kitchen. Its about someone holding your shirt down when you try on clothing in the middle of the store. Its a back massage when you need it, and space when you dont, and knowing the difference.

Its also about turning towards each other in times of difficulty, and not away, which is hard to do when you're licking a wound. Its about wanting true happiness for the other because only then are we ourselves truly happy, its about having no room for pride and stubborness, no room for hurting and critisism, no time for selfishness and games. Its loving the other in sickness and in health, and it demands faithfulness beyond the mere call of fidelity because love extends far into the realms of trustworthiness.

Its about admitting our weaknesses and praising each others strengths. Its not about losing oneself, but about adjusting to the others needs and wants as they shift and adjust to yours. Its about saying sorry..readily, when we make mistakes...and its about accepting apologies just as readily. Because no matter how perfect love makes us feel..we just aren't. Love is looking in the same direction, even if we see things a little differently.

Love is the most forgiving and all encompassing of emotions and the rewards are multiplied ten fold in their return.

You would think intimacy in the face of love would be easy to do, but it is somewhat different, because as we get older the lines shift, the rules blur..and needs change, or do they?

It's learning to be comfortable with someone rummaging through your soul....it's about baring yourself and allowing the another to scoop up your past, all your anger.. and pain... and heartache...and disappointments...and fill your already love filled, bulging heart with something infinitely better. Its finding that even whilst youre in the midst of being two, you really arent seperate at all....

Its not easy..no-one ever said it was....

Chicken Soup for the Soul

So while he waits downstairs, fiddling with the new dvd player and fine tuning the tv so we can settle down and watch the next batch of videos we have, a little later...I'm putting up a quick post.

We are on our way to do some birthday shopping in Santa Maria, a little way up the 101 N, a little inland but still a lovely drive.

The days which start out so cold and overcast, emerge into the most spectacular winter days. Clear blue skies and a mellow sun, which have encouraged us to meander in to town each afternoon, peer into quaint shop windows and sip lattes on street side cafe's.

The dog is a bit of an exhibitionist, and tends to attract loads of attention, which she loves and plays it to the hilt. She was positively bouncing when she spotted a two year old yesterday sitting at the table next to us, and almost licked the poor kids skin off, much hilarity and laughter later, we reigned in the hound and mosied on home to chicken soup around the fire.

Wrters Block # 28 ~ That Day

My son, you werent even supposed to be at the lake that day and you werent supposed to have taken the boat. But, you couldnt resist the run of good fishing, and the warm January sun on your back, the thrill of the line between your fingers, or the roll of the boat beneath your feet. My boy, you probably shouldnt have been standing in that boat, or taken your shoes off that day, or had the oars poised for flight in harms way. But, you did all that one last time. as you slipped on boyish enthuisiasm and lost your grip on life..

A little bit this..and a little bit of that

What with one thing and another..its been quite a week!

I'm tired dog tired, and I should be in bed fast asleep..but during the drive home from work my mind raced as words tumbled through my weary brain, and so before I melt into the comfort of my recently slept in bed, I thought I had to jot down a few thoughts..lest i turn 50 and forget them.

I'm constantly amazed by people, I am. I move to a new town, where I know absolutely no-one, and find myself enveloped in warmth and friendship rarely seen before. My brand new co-workers have gone out of their way to make me feel welcome, with a myriad of little things..like notes signed and stuck on the notice board..welcoming hands, welcoming me to the unit. The joy they have expressed at knowing of K's visit, constant little references about how happy I look, and how happy they are to see me happy.

We don't celebrate halloween back home the way they do here, trick or treating was not something I had experienced before. This year I had children in their hoards come to my door, I handed out handfuls of candy to the dearest little souls, dressed in an assortment of costumes that left me just oohing and ahhing... to the sounds in the background of 'cripes babe..just give them two each..not a whole handful you're going to run out' ('for who' I muttered..) and a Scottie who was determined to get her 'kiddie fix' at any cost. She put herself on Halloween Watch at the top of the stairs, and went berserk each time the doorbell rang..rushed out and gave each child a jolly good tongue lashing before being hauled back inside, spoiling all her fun..with just of the squeals of the children in the distance as they retreated hastily down the driveway, while she strained for more. Eventually she would settle down and take up her position once more and to lay in wait for the next unsuspecting group of pirates and princesses!

You arrived, after months and weeks and days of anticipation, your voice boomed across the tarmac as you spotted us waiting at the gate, a windswept woman with tousled hair, and an excited little dog who has the memory of you tucked firmly into her little doggy heart. Its been a gentle loving time, with lots of laughter and fun, just the way it should be; and the months of traumatic separation for now, a distant memory.

And then there are the losses. A 'friend' whom I thought was real, but wasn't, sweet words one week turned abruptly into words of insinuated venom, expressed on a blog, in comments tucked away out of sight, found as usual by a friend of a friend..who wondered. Comments and views supported by a compact covey of women who use vile words to whip up themselves up to a frenzy and feed on the pain it causes others. That they group so perfectly together should not be surprising, and yet I am. I am especially surprised at how she has joined them, effortlessly using clever innuendos to ingratiate herself, finding new if somewhat dirty coat tails to fly by.

I pondered all this as I drove home through heavy fog this morning, fog for which much of the 101 during winter, is well renowned, it was as thick as the proverbial pea-soup today. As the road twisted and turned through the hills, the fog tucked firmly into the valleys and crevices, alternately lifting and shifting as shafts of sun streamed through, knowing full well it would win eventually and the view ahead would once more be clear, the horizon visible in all its glory. I glanced in the rear view mirror as I watched the sun persevere, and saw what looked like grey cotton wool ahead of me turn slowly to pink.

My mood lifted as I rounded the last bend, turned the last corner and found the street where we live, the very place where you wait.